Its amazing that when God wants you to explore and seek out something in your life and you ignore Him, that the same thing He wanted you to explore will come back around as small nudges again and again and again until you follow through. Mike and I had this exact experience with Foster Care. I believe the first nudge from God for us to explore Foster Care came right before our last son Levi was born. (see previous blog post on Exploring Foster Care). We heard our calling loud and clear and went to a Foster Care orientation class and then decided Foster Care wasn't a good fit for us at that time due to time, and circumstances. Deep down, Michael and I also really wanted to have another bio child. I look back now and I'm glad we decided to pursue having another child of our own because if we didn't, we would never have been blessed with our youngest child which we adore. Foster care always stayed in the back of our minds and remained something we wanted to pursue, we just didn't know when, or how, until early this year.
In October 2018, Michael and I found out we were pregnant and expecting our 4th baby. It was such an exciting time but as a mom, I just knew something wasn't quite right. Having previously suffered two other miscarriages (one before each one of my oldest boys) this pregnancy felt nothing like the miscarriages I had in the past. I remember going to the OB's office and he was 100% certain I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. After an ultrasound, the doctor confirmed the baby had burrowed into my left tube, and I was bleeding pretty heavily internally. I was rushed in for emergency surgery and I ended up losing my left tube all together because of the size of the baby, (i was 8 weeks pregnant).
I remember exactly how I felt when I woke up from the surgery and this was probably the hardest part of this entire journey for me. I remember feeling shame, and extreme guilt of having to end my babies life to save my own. Weeks went by after the surgery and I fell into a deep depression. I didn't want to get out of bed, I felt so alone and angry. I couldn't get over the pain I was feeling and the choice I made. I thought God would never forgive me and I was angry at Him for putting me in that position having to make that choice. I didn't understand why He wanted me to go through another loss, none of it made sense. I didn't realize until a few months later after looking back and coming out of the depression fog, that God spared MY life that day because he loved me, he also wasn't angry at me, because none of it was my fault to begin with. God wanted me to learn something from that experience, and it was to TRUST in HIM, 100%. Trust that He had an amazing plan in store for my life and blessings to give, and all l I had to do was have faith in HIM and he would do the rest to get me there.
In January, three months after our last miscarriage, was when the Lord began to nudge us again to explore Foster care. This time we didn't say no, in fact, we jumped in head first without looking back because we knew the timing was perfect, and we were ready. It took something so traumatic in our lives to give us the final push to jump into the unknown and trust the Lord with the final outcome. I knew deep down inside that amazing opportunity awaited for us, but we needed to be patient to get there.We started the foster care journey in January 2019, with an amazing Christian Foster Care Agency in Dallas Texas, and finished and became a licensed foster family ready for placements in August 2019. We had to fill out tons of paperwork, go through many training classes, back ground checks and home visits, but we made it through and finished the process.
Looking back now after the last 6 months of hard work, I can feel that God's plan to bless us with a child is about to come true at any moment. Behind the scenes He's waiting for the perfect child to enter our home so we can provide as much love and stability for them as long as they remain in our care. I also believe someday God will give us an opportunity to adopt one of these children, and they will become a permanent part of our family. Gods promises always come true, as He is a faithful and generous God. If He gives you a calling or a nudge, He wants you to follow through so He can bless you in the end. We are moments away from seeing our blessing......